La lista de 2011/2012

Howdy folks

You'll notice that the title of this post is not in English; that's because I tried to learn a bit of Spanish recently. Apparently I'm still not very good at it, because I was leaning towards "El listo", which means "the ready". Of course, that wouldn't have made sense and you would've expected some surrealistic flimflam from this post (and you would've been disappointed). Fortunately, Google Translate was there to save my dignity and give you "La lista de 2011/2012", or "The list of 2011/2012".

In no particular order;

I want to play more golf
On the previous two lists, I said that I wanted to improve my score on a particular course. This time round, I want to improve my game in general, I want to enjoy the great outdoors and stay fit. This also means that I have to make more money and get more free time. If you have any idea how I can screw over the laws of the universe (in particular the one that says income and free time are the inverse of each other AKA "more money, less time; more time, less money"), please let me know.

Do more than I say
You know the drill by now.

Buy a new car
Not necessarily a German one, but something with a bigger boot and more safety and convenience features, at the very least.

Train my brain
Books, puzzles, whatever it takes to keep my head in shape.

Grow the business
This one explains itself.

That's it for now. I'm not being as overly ambitious as I was the previous years. I wanted to do a lot, but I ended up not doing much of it. Thus, if my list is shorter, I should be able to accomplish more of the items on it.

You'll also notice that one of the recurring items on the previous lists (hint: it's bred in large numbers on Venus) is missing. I've spent a lot of time pondering about my last relationship (and the ones before it). Quite frankly, if one looks at it historically, relationships aren't that great. Oftentimes, the bad ends up outweighing the good - so much so that the scale turns into a catapult and flings what little good there was right over the horizon. I've come to the realization that it's not something that I particularly want/need at this stage of my life. Sure, it would be nice, but I'm not about to go chasing after it. Besides, you can go play a round or two of golf for the cost of the average date.

Disclaimer: I've no intention to abandon my manners, my chivalric ideals, or all the other points that I discussed on Facebook not too long ago. I'm sticking to my guns in that regard.

Back by Popular Demand

I've not written anything on this blog for a whole year, but thanks to some awesome positive feedback that I've recently received, I'm back. There's no guarantee that I'll be back for long, but at least you (the faithful reader) got something new to read. FYI, I haven't been slacking all year - I've written quite a lot of stuff on my personal blog over at the Art of Manliness and I've started a business blog on The Forum SA. While I'm on the subject of the Art of Manliness; if you're a dude, read it, love it, live it. Once you start reading it, go out and buy yourself some bigger shirts so that you can have space for all the extra hair that will start sprouting on your chest.

Here's a review of last year's list;
I want to do an advanced driving course
I did it, twice. The first time got to go around a high-speed oval in a Chevrolet Lumina SS (6.0l V8). It was great fun, and afterwards, I smiled so much that my face hurt. I want one. The second time round I tackled the same oval with an Opel Corsa OPC; smaller engine, but still pretty quick. I had a screaming, swearing female passenger. Apparently people don't like being in the passenger seat while a complete stranger floors it. The two courses also featured a skidpan and a dynamic handling track. The dynamic handling track was particularly awesome; scary, but in a good way. My passenger said something about Schumacher after I went around a corner at a speed that caused a front-wheel drive car's rear end to start feeling slippery. I'll gladly do it again, any day. I'm generally not a fan of small, high-performance hatchbacks, but I gained a lot of respect for the Corsa OPC. That thing sticks to the road like a toddler's finger to his nostril.

I want to finish the golf course at Midstream Estate in under forty strokes
Only played it once, and sucked.

I want to raise money for a worthy cause
I donated to Movember, for what it's worth. I haven't strictly "raised" any money.

I want to improve my English
I say old chap, do you know what a bandersnatch is? (Word of the Day)

I want to improve my leadership skills
I'd say that I improved in this area of my life. How to Win Friends and Influence People is in my bookcase, waiting to be read.

I want to start my own business
Not quite, but I became a partner in an existing business. I still want to do my own thing though.

I want to 'do' more than I 'say'
Well, I said I was gonna do it...

I want to get an awesome girlfriend and keep her
See the new list.

I want to write a blog post at least once a week
I got close to it; between the Art of Manliness, TFSA and The Pursuit of Efficacy, I've written a good 40 or so posts.

I want to write at least one piece of prose or poetry each month
Failed, miserably.

I want to read at least one book a month
I may not have read a book every month, but I read more than one book during a couple of months. I'm confident that I read more that twelve books over the past year.

Other Stuff
As for the "Wouldn't Mind" and "Awesome! (but unlikely)" items on the old list - I'm not going to force you to to read through a bunch of stuff that I didn't do. The only one worth mentioning is that I came very close to buying a German car (albeit an Audi). Had I been able to negotiate a premium of R200 or R300 per month less, I probably would've taken it. In hindsight, I'm glad that I decided to stick to my budget; you pay a heckuva lot of interest on a car like that I you finance it over 5 years.

I'm planning on writing a new list (really, I am). Before I can do that, though, I have a bunch of emails that I need to respond to and a new post for Caffeine and Donuts. Don't hold your breath.

Beauty

Beauty

“We live only to discover beauty. All else is a form of waiting.” ~ Kahlil Gibran

I believe that beauty is one of the most important things in our lives. We may not realise it, but through the ages, beauty has driven men to madness and to greatness; it has been the ink that had written many a life. Wars have been fought, books have been written and songs have been sung – all attributed to beauty. Even today, beauty is the root of many of the things that we yearn for. Why is it that beauty speaks so deeply to the hearts of men (and women)?

Looking at my own life, I aspire to drive a sports car, retire in an old castle somewhere in Europe and find a wife whom cannot be compared to the most valuable of treasures. For now, I'd just like a nice green garden, and perhaps, a koi pond. All of these are objects of beauty. I'm sure that you also have things that you would love to have, and I challenge you to prove that it is not beauty that you desire. Be it a house, a car or a wife – all of these are mere facades behind which our true desire can be found – the desire for beauty. If you want more evidence of how a deep desire for beauty has been encapsulated in the human heart throughout history, simply look at our fairy-tales; Cinderella was beautiful, the Sleeping Beauty was beautiful and even the Beast in Beauty and the Beast was a beautiful creature, bound by a curse (depriving him of his beauty).

Paris ran off with Helen, Menelaus launched a thousand ships to reclaim her and Achilles became a hero unlike any other – all because of beauty. Though it might’ve been a taste for adventure that drove Christopher Columbus to the Americas, I believe that a taste for adventure is but a desire to look upon a beauty that has not been seen by the eyes of others. You see, when we discover beauty, it gives us a purpose; a sense of satisfaction that one gains only from finding something that makes life worth living.

Beauty comes in many forms, and as the old adage goes, beauty lies in the eye of the beholder – it is something that speaks to the heart of a man. To one man, beauty lies in music, to another it lies in nature, to another it lies in women. Just as hunger (the desire for food) can be satisfied by anything from a chocolate bar to a perfectly grilled steak, beauty is an abstract entity which can come to life a multitude of forms; each of which speaks to us in a different way. Beauty brings a sense of tranquillity – there are few places where a man can contemplate life better than a retreat in the mountains, standing the banks of a clear stream with a fly rod in hand – surrounded by nothing but beauty.

As all good things in life, beauty requires cultivation. If one does not cater to a garden, it will wither and die. If a human being does not look after his or her body, beauty fades away. If a painter does not spend hours upon hours perfecting his or her craft, objects of beauty will not be produced. (This is a good place to discuss the importance of global warming, preserving the planet, and the Angelina Jolie Conservation Fund.)

Ashley Smith said the following; “Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind.” In the 21st century, our lives are so rushed that we often overlook the abundance of beautiful things in our world. In my honest opinion, people were a lot happier a hundred years ago. Maybe this is due to the fact that they took the time to admire beauty – even if it was a simple as enjoying a beautiful sunrise (because they had to get up to while it was still dark to prepare breakfast). We still have bumble bees, we still have small children, and if you spend a bit of time searching for it, I bet that you’ll find a smiling face as well. Slow down, take the time to enjoy the beautiful things that we have been blessed with, and learn how to appreciate them anew.

I leave you with a word of warning – do not overindulge in beauty. Appreciate it, but do not smother it, lest it loses its value. Salvador Dali, the painter, had an excellent way of doing this. Standing upon a cliff-top, in his garden, he would pluck a ripe peach from a tree. He would then take a bite, savour the beauty of the moment, spit out the bite that he had taken and cast the peach into the sea below. A large part of appreciating beauty lies in realizing its fleetingness – every woman is beautiful unlike any other, each sunset is unique, each star sparkles in its own unique way - appreciate it now, for you may never have the opportunity again.

Nice guys

I said that I'd write more blog posts this year, and even now, just a couple of weeks after I said it, it feels like I'm falling behind again.

Blogging, or the art of transferring information from your imagination to the web, takes effort. Simple as it may sound, sometimes it gets hard to conjure up more stuff to write about.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the whole 'nice guy' thing. I've always seen myself as a nice guy; I've always wanted to be a nice guy. Nice guys are nice, right? Actually, if you think about it – they're not. Nice guys seem nice, but deep down, they often tend to be looking for approval; they're defined by what others think of them. If you think I'm cool, I'm cool. If you don't think I'm cool; hang on, I'll do something nice for you.

To all the nice guys out there, what do you really achieve, apart from wasting your time and feeling crap if someone doesn't like you? If someone doesn't like you, they can happily go and screw themselves. 'Nice guys', waste so much time trying to gain approval from others, that they never really gain their own approval. They allow others to walk over them, they are afraid of offending anyone, and they are afraid to fight for what they want. In that sense, niceness is weakness. Fighting in itself isn't a bad thing – fleeing without good reason is.

Do good unto others as much as you like, but remember, unless you do good unto yourself as well, happiness will never really be within your grasp. You end up wondering why bad things happen to you, yet you continually allow bad things to happen to you by refusing to stand up and fight.

Life is about you being happy with who you are – not about Jack and Jill being happy with who you are.

What this world needs more of, in my opinion, are nice men. Think about your childhood heroes (for guys) or the men you dreamt about when you were little (for girls). James Bond is a really tough guy, yet, he's still a good guy. The white knight that every little girl dreams about doesn't walk up to the big nasty dragon and politely ask him to leave; he takes a sword and slays the crap out of that dirty lizard!

We can see that being good is not about submitting to everyone and being the general, all-around, friendly neigborhood nice guy; it's about being strong and applying that strength in the correct manner. When it comes to the fairer sex, nice guys suffer – a lot. Here's what I think; you're there for her, you talk to her, you go shopping with her – you're being an awesome friend, congrats! Oh, and by the way, your chance of getting anywhere with her just walked out the door; if you're quick, you might still be able to wave to it when it walks past the window. By no means do I say that a guy should not be a very dear friend to his girlfriend, he should be, but that comes with time.

Let's look at the word that a lot of nice guys want to be, and where they believe they're headed – 'boyfriend'. First, we have 'boy', then we have 'friend'. Thus, is you do the friend thing first, chances are, you've got nowhere left to go – you start at the last syllable. However, if you start out by being a boy, well, then you're still in a position to make progress. Here's what boys do – they catch frogs, they throw punches at each other, they like fast cars and they do all kinds of things that are generally not seen as being 'nice' and 'safe'.

To finish, I'd like to say this – boys, we were all made as boys – we've all got strength somewhere inside of us. We're the guys who were made to defend kingdoms; we were made to be strong. Now, stop being nice guys and start being good men!

Why relationships are a lot like fire

I went fishing with a couple of friends today. Standing by the side of a lake, life often starts making much more sense than it does while you're sitting in an office, wishing that gravity will pull the hour hand of the clock on your wall to 5 o'clock. It's also good for dealing with all kinds of crap.


Admittedly, me and my friends were ill prepared for the braai (barbecue, for my international readers) that we had planned. Fire lighters were in scarce supply, and with only a couple of blocks of charcoal on hand, we were forced to make do with wood and dry reeds. Since we also didn't have an axe, we had to use other pieces of wood or rocks to smash wood into pieces small enough to start a fire. Preparing raw meat on an open fire and using rocks as tools – if we carried on any longer, I'm pretty confident that we would've invented the wheel.

Was it not for bad planning, this blog post would not have come to life. You see, while trying to make a fire, I realised that relationships were very similar to what we were engaging in. (A special thanks goes out to Prometheus and Aphrodite)

When you make a fire, you start small. You throw dry grass and very thin pieces of wood onto the fire. No matter how good a fire-starter you think you are, you can't go throwing huge logs onto a fire that hasn't even started burning yet; it just doesn't work that way. Start small, get it burning properly before trying to put any huge logs (i.e. 'I log you') into it, otherwise you'll just kill it. Just because a fire is small, doesn't mean that it isn't burning. Nothing starts big, and no matter how much it seems to suck, you've got to do the small things first – that's just the way it works.

Have you ever noticed that charcoal makes an awesome fire? Why? Here's my opinion – it's because it's been burned a bit before – it's learned how to burn. Sometimes, you might come across a beautiful, juicy, young tree that no one has ever used to make a fire with – very pretty and attractive, but it's a bad idea to try and make a fire with it. It'll make a lot of smoke and a fire that won't last long. Before being able to burn really well, it needs to dry out and burn a bit and be stuffed in a brown paper bag marked 'Charcoal'. (Guys, please don't grab random girls and stuff them in brown paper bags. Use cloth sacks – that makes it easier for them to breathe.) For your own safety, before starting a fire with anyone, make sure that they're not still burning for their previous fire, otherwise, someone will end up gettting hurt. Yes, that means get over your ex - I can't stress the importance of this enough. (Oh, and by the way, nothing in this paragraph refers to sex.)

On the subject of burning – a lot of people die because of real fires (3.4% of deaths in the US, according to statistics). I haven't got any statistics on this, but I'm sure that a lot of people die because of metaphorical fires as well; if not physically, emotionally. Fire is great – as long as it's controlled and not controlling. Never, ever, allow a relationship to control you. Fire gives us light and warmth, but when it goes rampant it can also give you loads of pain and burns and scars that take a very long time to go away; if they ever go away, that is. Control it and keep it healthy and productive!

A fire rarely starts by itself – it's either due to some jerk leaving glass lying near dry grass, or it's started by someone for a purpose. If you start a fire (metaphorically), your reason should be the latter, not the former. Unlike logs and dry grass, we humans have feelings (even us strong, tough men). Random, uncontrolled fires cause chaos and heartache. Before lighting anything, make sure that that is what you really want to do, and that it is where you really want to start a fire. Don't go starting a fire at location Y, even though you really wanted to start a fire at location X, but it was unavailable. Even more so, if you have already tried making a fire at location X, and it didn't work, don't even try it again! (Shame on you, you fooled me once; shame on me, you fooled me twice.)

A fire doesn't keep burning by itself – you need to keep it burning. You keep it burning by paying attention to it and nurturing it. Same with relationships – they don't magically work, they take work. Do sweet little things for each other, talk, spend time together, whatever it takes.

Once in a while, some [censored] will come along and take your fire. This often leaves a man with an urge to set said [censored] on fire (not the nice, romantic, metaphorical kind, but the nice, painful, scorching kind). Sadly, although he probably deserves it, it won't get you your fire back. You just have to pull yourself together and make a new fire – you don't want the old, burned out fire back once the [censored] is done with it. However, when applied to relationships, give yourself some time to get over the old one (by crying, screaming or setting things on fire) before pursuing a new one, otherwise you'll end up increasing the circle of hurt, and the wrong people will get hurt.

Lastly, I want to leave you with this. Fires are a source of light in the darkness, fires make you warm, fires are pretty cool to look at and one gets a great sense of achievement from starting a good fire (at least, guys do). However, the sun is also a source of light, it makes you warm and it's pretty cool to look at, even though you didn't create it and it's not intimately bound to you. Don't forget that – relationships are awesome, but they're not the only thing that can make your life awesome.

The new list

In my previous post, I promised that I'd come up with a new list of things that I want to do before I turn 23.

Unlike the previous list, this one is divided into the following categories; Probably, Wouldn't Mind and Awesome! (but unlikely). The probably category includes the things that I am quite confident about, Wouldn't Mind includes things that would be pretty cool to do, and that I've got a chance of doing and Awesome! (but unlikely) includes the things that would totally blow my mind, and although they're possible, it's unlikely that I'll achieve them any time soon.

Probably
- I want to do an advanced driving course. (This was on the list for last year, but I couldn't make it, mostly due to finances. )
- I want to finish the golf course at Midstream Estate in under forty strokes. That's far from turning pro, but hey, you have to start somewhere.
- I want to raise money for a worthy cause.
- I want to improve my English.
- I want to improve my leadership skills.
- I want to start my own business.
- I want to 'do' more than I 'say'.
- I want to get an awesome girlfriend and keep her. (Yes, I'm being optimistic here.)
- I want to write a blog post at least once a week.
- I want to write at least one piece of prose or poetry each month.
- I want to read at least one book a month.

Wouldn't Mind
- I want to buy a German car. (Preferably a BMW or a Merc)
- I want to go to South America and take part in relief work/humanitarian aid project.

Awesome! (but unlikely)
- I want to buy a Porsche.
- I want to open a coffee-shop.
- I want to open a classy restaurant.
- I want to start a fast food franchise.

One year later...

So... it's been 367 days since my first (and thus far, most inspiring) blog post. A lot has happened since then, and a lot hasn't happened. Last year, I set a number of goals for myself. Since I said that I'd report back, here goes.

I wanted to do an advanced driving course – Sadly, I didn't make this one, so it's coming on the new list.

I wanted to get a steady girlfriend and share hundreds of happy moments with her – Well, I got the girlfriend, but we only got up to about 99 happy moments before she decided to dump me. Due to a standard “it's not you it's me”-speech, this reappears on the new list.

I wanted to finish the last golf course that I played in under forty strokes – Sadly, I haven't played on that course since last year. Thus, it goes on the new list.

I wanted to raise some money for a worthy cause – I was involved in some fund-raising for church, but that didn't feel very life-changing – hence, this also made it onto the new list.

I said that I wanted to get a new car – I got two. (One was written off by a guy who didn't bother to look where he was driving.)

I wanted to improve my English – I learned a couple of new words, but this one stays on the list.

I wanted to write a small computer game – Finally, we come to a goal that I reached. I wrote a small Battleships-like game with AI and everything. High five!

I wanted to transform my study from a mess into a harmonious working environment – Success! My study is far less messy than it used to be; it now features diplomas on the wall, and I bought new furniture.

I wanted to learn leadership skills – My leadership skills improved a bit over the course of the past year; I got elected as the chairman of a commission and I got more involved in youth work. However, I have no chance of wiping out the opposition in a presidential election, so this also stays on the list.

I wanted to learn more about people – I did, but not necessarily in a positive way. What I learned is this – people are full of crap.

I wanted to read at least five books – I lost count somewhere between ten and twenty. Mission accomplished!

I wanted to finish my degree with a bunch of distinctions – After many hours and late nights of hard work, I finished my degree with First Class Honours. In future, you may refer to me as Mr. Nel.

I wanted to bring a few business ideas to life – Nothing is alive and kicking yet, but if the ideas were like a sparkle in a young couple's eyes last year, we now have a positive pregnancy test. This also goes on the new list.

I wanted to buy some shares – Indirectly, I did. I invested some money towards my retirement, and some of that goes into shares.

I wanted to say less and do more – Unfortunately, this is still the wrong way around. Expect to see it on the new list.

I wanted to overcome logorrhea – See above.

You can expect to see my list of goals for the next year soon.